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Thursday, 17 January 2013

No Title

Hello Everyone!

I have no title for this post. But just a little update of what I been doing :

Just like every other fresh graduate does or maybe, I been busy preparing my resume and cover letter to be send out to employers.

*In my heart *

I was feeling pretty nervous and scare at the same time. Somehow a part of me does not want to grow up so fast.

Growing up means one has to be mature and be ready to accept more responsibility in everything they do especially in making decisions.

For example: I should not spend my most of the time watching cartoons, I should start taking the habit of reading more news and learn something more useful so that I can take care of myself.

Its one of the phase in life that everybody has to face and you can't runaway from it. Though its stressful, I just have to accept that life still goes on and so I decided to make full use of it cause each time I feel sad, I would remember what my friend said to me.

*Looking back at my worst phase in life*

My friend used to say this to me , " Michelle, Why choose to be sad when you can be happy?"  Usually a friend would say this to you is when you are at your most down moments (was experiencing a breakup at that time).

My break-up with my ex was a traumatized one. In fact till now I still hate him. Actually despise is a more accurate word. I was so in love with him back then. He is not good looking neither successful nor rich. Plus he is elder than me by 8 years. Somehow I fell for him cause I think he was smart where he could guide me and be there for me whenever I need him. Everything was good till I found out that he would be so desperate to even check out my close friends and even flirt with girls who is younger than my age. I was so heart broken and embarrassed at myself that my own *boyfriend* ( ex) do this to me.

Not only that, his mum is also someone I really hate. She somehow looked down on me because I was young and every time I visit my ex house, she would find an opportunity to ask me to do her house chores.

Even my mother don't push me around like that.
Well some of you might thing is normal to help out around, Boyfriend's Mum What.
NO ITS NOT. She would practically pass me house chores like drying the clothes, folding the clothes,ironing the clothes, mopping the floor , cleaning the fan and etc. ANYTHING that she could think of.

Ever since then, I would try to avoid going there but sometime my ex would say he need to drop by his house cause his friends is coming over to pick up something, I got no choice but to go there and wait.

Also she sometimes would find questions and annoyed me too.
For example:

Aunty: Michelle, here is some old newspaper,take it back home and read.

Me: Sorry Aunty I dont read them (rejecting politely)

Aunty: How about old magazines?

Me: Oh no.

Aunty: Giving me the cock stare, why are you such a boring gal!

I did consulted my ex before that why didn't he defend me or say anything.
His reply to me was, "Do you like seeing me and my mother quarelling?"
I said no and never asked that question since then.

It really hit me one day when I found out he was really cheating behind my back and thats where I really told myself that I had enough. Our 2 year relationship just ended like that.

Looking back at this of what I wrote, I was laughing to myself, Why was I so stupid and blind?
and..Yes that was HOW STUPID I WAS.

GIMME BACK MY FREAKING 2 YEARS. (no point shouting)

After breaking up, I was basically hide myself from the world and kept crying and kept calling Kheng Lam, my best friend to comfort me. He was the one who told me this.

 "Why choose to be sad when you can be happy?"

It took me at least 3 months to absorb that and slowly that phrase really makes sense. Instead of wasting my time crying for someone does not care, I should use make use of my time being useful.

I kept myself busy by playing games and open my mind little by little and start talking to everyone like normal again instead of sobbing.

Slowly my this ex no longer exist in my heart or mind anymore.

During the journey of opening up myself, thats where I met my current boyfie <3 and I will save that for erm next post?

So stay tune.

Please like my page here  to keep me motivated to write and also updates from me.
Thank you very much. XOXO


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